02 Being a Man and Dad

02.1 What to Know

Have you ever built a model car, boat, or airplane? The idea was that if you followed the instructions, your model should have looked like the picture on the box.

What you learned about being a man and dad works the same way. You learned from your parents and culture a model for how a man and dad should look and act. This model came with instructions to help you grow into the “right kind” of man or dad. These instructions are called “social norms.” As you grew into an adult, this model became a part of whom you are. It has guided your decisions and actions from that point forward. It guides you in how to treat yourself—your physical, emotional, and spiritual health—your children, the mother of your children, your coworkers, and anyone else in your life. Men in all cultures learn some very good things and, in some cases, not so good things about being a man and dad. No matter the culture you grew up in, part of being a good man is to have good character. You can’t be a good dad if you’re not a good man.

02.3 What to Ask

Grab a paper and pen to write down your answers if you wish. Take your time.

• How have I been affected by what my parents and culture taught me about being a man?
• What did I learn about character from my parents or those people who raised me? What did I learn that was good? What did I learn that was not so good?
• What are five character traits that I can begin working on right now to become a better dad?
• Which traits do I want to pass on to my children? Which traits do I not want to pass on?
• Which morals do I want to teach, model, and reinforce in my children? How will I teach, model, and reinforce those morals?

02.4 Get Inspired

Watch these brief videos.

02.5 Learn More

One of the best things you can do for your children is to teach them lessons about being a good man and dad. Teach these lessons through what you do and say. These lessons will help your son be a good man and dad and your daughter to look for good traits in a man who might become a dad for her children.

Our society also doesn’t do a good job teaching children that they should become adults and spouses before they become parents.

The fact is children do best, on average, when they grow up in a home with their two married parents. That’s as true today as ever. Tons of research proves this.* While you might not be married to your children’s mother, there’s no reason why you can’t tell your children they should get married before they have their own children.

*Source: (2019) Father Facts, 8th Edition. Germantown, MD: National Fatherhood Initiative^®.